NOT RETURNING TO WORK...So this week has been weird...most of my teaching buddies went back to school this week for pre-planning to get ready for the new school year. Obviously, I didn't go back. Regardless of whether or not I had taken a year off I wouldn't be allowed to go back to work now because of the bed rest. I didn't think much about this week before it got here but now that it is here and I don't have babies yet, the whole taking a year off and not teaching thing is really getting to me. I know in a few weeks I won't have time at all to think about it and I will have beautiful babies to love but right now I feel sad. Who knew quitting your job would ever make you sad? I mean most people would love to be in my position to have the luxury of staying at home and I do feel very blessed to have this opportunity but I can't help the way I'm feeling now. I think my problem is I actually LOVE what I do. Many days I'm frustrated with the students or the politics of the school system but overall I enjoy getting up everyday knowing I'm going to a job that is 1) never boring and 2) very emotionally fulfilling. I know that I will eventually go back but right now I will just have to deal with the emotional feelings of not returning this year. And believe me...I made this choice and I know it is the right thing to do.
BEING ON BED REST... bed rest sucks! I know it's a means to an end but it's driving me crazy that I can't do anything for myself. Whether or not my family believes it, I really feel bad asking them to do EVERYTHING for me. My poor mom and grandma especially have to help me all day long. I know they want to be here but I feel bad because this isn't there house and I know how crazy I become when I have been away from home for too long. I feel incredibly blessed that they are here though. I just feel guilty. Today, probably, I am also mad because I'm missing small group once again and I can't go see the movie I have been looking forward to all summer- The Help. I know it sounds so incredibly trivial when we are talking about helping two little babies come into the world even more healthy than they are right now and believe me that is all I want but I just needed to vent for a bit.
BEING PREGNANT WITH TWINS....I have been incredibly lucky to have such a good pregnancy so far with no major problems but let me tell you I'm over it! I'm sick of the back pain, heartburn, restless leg syndrome, going to the doctor 2-3 times a week and paying for all those lovely visits, preterm contractions that hurt, remembering to take medications 4 times a day to keep those contractions down, going to the hospital and not bringing home babies, as I said before- bed rest, and the constant worry and anxiety that goes along with a high risk(twin) pregnancy. I know I sound like a big complainer but nobody tells you how your body and your mind are taken over with pregnancy, especially multiple pregnancy. Like I said before, I am so excited about my babies but I'm so ready to not be pregnant anymore.
Okay- I feel better now! Just needed to get that off my mind! Maybe I should delete this post but I won't because the reality is life isn't always easy!
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